I’ve got this strange friend; her name is Maria. Maria’s always been a little weird but now things have gotten unworldly altogether. You see, Maria’s an artist; she’s into sculpture in particular, of which she specializes in the manipulation of Perspex with a blowtorch. Lately I haven’t seen too much of her as she’s hooked up the Internet. Actually not many people at all have seen her recently; she says she’s working on a big project.

Now that she’s got the Internet she reckons she can focus a lot more on her work without distractions. She doesn’t ‘waste’ time doing grocery shopping anymore. Now she orders all her food and household items. She says if she’s extremely busy, her weekly list is saved into the computer, and she just clicks on ‘order’ and the usual stuff is delivered to her door every week. No more driving, parking, searching for stuff, standing in line, dealing with bored and under slept cashiers. I’m starting to think it’s not such a bad idea. Maria is pretty proud. She’s now organizing for a local greengrocer to deliver her fruit and vegetables too.

Maria has always had a ‘thing’ for Donald Duck. On the Net she’s found all these rare collectable dealers like Ebay. When she’s not warping Perspex into postmodern configurations representing the need for a more spiritual existence, she’s thriving in the consumerist world of finding and bidding for Donald Duck comic books from the 1950’s. Last I heard a friend said she’s actually starting to look like a duck herself!

All this Internet shopping is pretty new to me, it sounds like it really could help a lot of people out. However for recluse artists it could be the final straw for friends and family who may never see their buddies again! Nah, its cool-I just hope Maria’s new project isn’t a giant Perspex Donald Duck. I don’t think the world needs any more Donald Ducks!

I just got back from Maria’s place. You’re not going to believe what I saw. She was actually having a party, and I wasn’t invited. Maybe she thinks I’m boring compared to her new friends. She says she met them on the Internet, a whole bunch of people into Donald Duck! One guy was actually dressed up like Yosemite Sam-gun belt and all! It seems I’m the odd one out.

Before I left her place she showed me her new sculpture. I underestimated her newfound love. It’s a giant computer; inside it is filled with the heads of all her friends (me included). Of course none of us had human mouths, smiling duck beaks adorned all the heads, a definite sign of the Internet’s powerful influence, and of the collective warping of today’s society!

Jesse S. Somer is a human hoping to show his fellow Earth citizens the beautiful opportunities the Internet is making available for all our lives.

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